What is going on? One oatmeal cookie goes down so easily. How do we stop ourselves from the pure bliss that comes from oatmeal, pecan, chocolate and a little bitter sweet dried cherry with brown sugar and pure yumminess? It is really the ultimate question of our lives. How can we get more of what we love? How can we make those blissful happy times never end? How can we just hold on to the people we love and the moments that give us the most joy? How can we only watch one episode of Game of Thrones at a time? I know I am going deep here people. Perhaps its the rain, that never seems to end here in Germany. Perhaps its the limbo that we are living, not knowing where we will be living in the next year and not knowing how much to invest here since the plug could be pulled any minute. Perhaps it is the sleep deprivation of having a three year old who yells out “Mooooomy” at midnight and 2 AM religiously every night, pulling me into the listless existence of a zombie with repeated interrupted REM cycles. It is hard to say. I just feel philosophical and a bit sad. It is a big transition time here in Germany.
So, perhaps I am gorging on oatmeal cookies because I just don’t want to think about all these amazing friends who are leaving us behind. Some of them came back into our lives after years of separation only to become more precious. They were our “family” abroad. Some just worked their way into our hearts with their smiles, generosity, and genuine friendship. Some have already left and more will follow. They spread the circumference of the globe like dandelion fluff. Or as a new friend says, like “wishers” as her son blows the white fluff from the dandelion weed. Why do I let them all in anyway; these people with their radiant smiles, friendly hearts and likeminded zeal for life? I would be better off if I just didn’t do it right? I remember when Snoopy died, my first pet, a beagle that my mother truly loved. She said she did not want another dog because the loss was too great and she could not bear to go through it again. Perhaps I should just stop opening my heart to all those snoopies out there. Damn you all for being so cute and sweet and loving me and my husband and my children. Damn you for inviting us into your hearts and into your lives! There I said it. I am mad and sad. This stinks! PCS season really, really bites!
