What is going on? One oatmeal cookie goes down so easily. How do we stop ourselves from the pure bliss that comes from oatmeal, pecan, chocolate and a little bitter sweet dried cherry with brown sugar and pure yumminess? It is really the ultimate question of our lives. How can we get more of what we love? How can we make those blissful happy times never end? How can we just hold on to the people we love and the moments that give us the most joy? How can we only watch one episode of Game of Thrones at a time? I know I am going deep here people. Perhaps its the rain, that never seems to end here in Germany. Perhaps its the limbo that we are living, not knowing where we will be living in the next year and not knowing how much to invest here since the plug could be pulled any minute. Perhaps it is the sleep deprivation of having a three year old who yells out “Mooooomy” at midnight and 2 AM religiously every night, pulling me into the listless existence of a zombie with repeated interrupted REM cycles. It is hard to say. I just feel philosophical and a bit sad. It is a big transition time here in Germany.
So, perhaps I am gorging on oatmeal cookies because I just don’t want to think about all these amazing friends who are leaving us behind. Some of them came back into our lives after years of separation only to become more precious. They were our “family” abroad. Some just worked their way into our hearts with their smiles, generosity, and genuine friendship. Some have already left and more will follow. They spread the circumference of the globe like dandelion fluff. Or as a new friend says, like “wishers” as her son blows the white fluff from the dandelion weed. Why do I let them all in anyway; these people with their radiant smiles, friendly hearts and likeminded zeal for life? I would be better off if I just didn’t do it right? I remember when Snoopy died, my first pet, a beagle that my mother truly loved. She said she did not want another dog because the loss was too great and she could not bear to go through it again. Perhaps I should just stop opening my heart to all those snoopies out there. Damn you all for being so cute and sweet and loving me and my husband and my children. Damn you for inviting us into your hearts and into your lives! There I said it. I am mad and sad. This stinks! PCS season really, really bites!
Oh love… I feel your pain. I really do. Thanks for your honest and heartfelt post. I think the weather is making all of us a little crazy… The grey and the gloom makes the sadness of loss seem even sadder. But I have to remind you of my favorite Dr. Seuss quote: “Don’t cry because it’s over… Smile because it happened.” Perhaps it helps to frame it that way?
Dear Anna, Thank you for bravely sharing your words. We were all so sad to leave, and while there is happiness in seeing friends here, I feel like I’ve left limbs behind, as we loved our life there. I read a book about Third Culture Kids, and the author said, “Unpack your bags and plant a tree” wherever you find yourself. You and I found shade under that same German tree, and I am better for having known you and your dear family. Thank you for sharing this year and a half with us. Love, Lissy, Tim, Cecelia, and Cate XXOO
I am so glad that you guys have been blessed with such great opportunities to be surrounded by great people and great experiences. You can’t trade them for anything. I hope wherever you end up, you will never forget the tastes of the food and the sweetness of your friends there. Limbo is a tough place to be. We are in it right now too. Bedrest has made it hard to make the most of the limbo time period, but oh well. Wonderful new adventures await us real soon. I hear you also on the 3.5 year old that wakes up nightly with “momma” often more than once. We also battled night terrors with Kaelyn for awhile just recently. Sleep is something of the past right now. Glad that you guys have gotten to enjoy some summer now. Miss ya.